On rare occasions, I go to the office much earlier than usual. During such days, I think of myself as a volunteer subject participating in a study with the aim of figuring out what is the highest amount of caffeine that doesn’t kill a human being.
For the sake of mankind, here is my report.
Cup of Coffee #1: Shortly after waking up. It doesn’t have a noticeable impact on my early-morning-zombie self.
Cup of Coffee #2: As soon as I arrive to my office. I feel philosophical and question myself about important things in life. For example: I am not a teenager anymore. Why do I still use a velcro lunchbox?
Cup of Coffee #3: I wonder why lunchtime seems so far away. I get this terrible feeling that I’m wearing a boot on one foot and a house shoe on the other. I look at my feet to make sure my shoes match.
Cup of Coffee #4: After lunch. I realize that I emailed this to my boss:
I have new a new report to show you. When can we nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn nnnnnnnnnnnnn nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn meet?
Cup of Coffee #5: I ask my Secretary to join me, because I need someone to hold me in case I start vibrating.
You know when you leave a cell phone on a table, and it starts vibrating? Many times, it starts moving while vibrating until BAM! it falls off the table. I fear this will happen to me after coffee cup #5. I start vibrating and if there’s no one around to hold me I will fall off the flat surface of earth.(Yes, after coffee cup #5, I say the earth is FLAT! AND DON’T YOU DARE FIGHTING ME ON THIS!)